That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
