Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize