Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
