why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize