I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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