So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
