dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
