You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
