Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
