Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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