Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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