home. puking in laundry basket.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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