And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
