im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
