sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
