She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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