There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
