I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize