Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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