No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
