i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's shark week go big or go home
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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