we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
