I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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