if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
