He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
