I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize