I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
