Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize