I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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