Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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