i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drake has all the answers
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
