I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
