So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
