they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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