addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
