I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
