he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize