Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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