you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
