Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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