now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize