to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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