i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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