3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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