I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
