You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
