i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
