We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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