he told me I talked like a deaf person
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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