So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
bring money and cleavage
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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