Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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