I only kidnapped one of them. chill
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
