Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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