I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
