i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The Olympian is in my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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