I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
