just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
