you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
