Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
