i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
honey bunches of taint.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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