Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
