I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
