oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
