I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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