I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
