She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
