last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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